What About Families?

Jesus taught that our commitment to God must supercede even our most important human commitments--those between family members: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple" (Lk. 14:26, NIV).

I've never liked that verse. It is so stark, so harsh, so unnatural. It helps, of course, to know that the language he uses -- hating our families and lives -- is making use of a Semitic idiom that means "to love less." In other words, "I love this and I hate that" meant "I prefer this to that." For example, the Bible tells us that Jacob loved Rachel but hated Leah (Gen. 29:30-31) and that God loved Jacob but hated Esau (Mal. 1:2-3). This does not mean that Jacob actually hated Leah or that God literally hated Esau, but that they preferred one over the other. So Jesus' saying means that families should not be preferred to God. We should love our families, but we should love God even more!

This has some important implications. For instance, the Bible often teaches the importance of obeying or giving deference to those who are in authority over us (Rom. 13:1-7; Eph. 6:1-8, for example), and some evangelical Christians say there are no exceptions to this. According to this perspective, we should always keep our place in the "chain of command" so we will be "under the umbrella" of God's authoritative protection. However, this teaching ignores some scriptural exceptions. For instance, in Ezekiel 20:18-19, God specifically commanded children to disobey their parents! "I said to their children in the desert, 'Do not follow the statutes of your fathers or keep their laws or defile yourselves with their idols. I am the LORD your God; follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." In other words, the children were to disregard the teaching and example of their parents because their parents were in rebellion against God. They needed to prefer God, not their families.

Jesus clearly said that faithfulness to him would sometimes result in division within a family (Mt. 10:34-36). He was not diminishing the importance of families, but he was emphasizing that no loyalty can rival our devotion to him.

And because of our commitment to Jesus, we are part of a larger, more-encompassing family. "'Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?' he asked. Then, pointing to his disciples, he said, 'Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother'" (Mt. 12:48-50).

Our primary identity, then, is as members of God's family (Gal. 6:10; I Pet. 4:17), the "household of faith" (I Tim. 3:15). Jesus says our status is defined by our volitional loyalties, not by the biological or cultural roles over which we have little control. This does not mean that we will not care about our families of origin, but Jesus has radically transformed the meaning of "family" for all those who would seriously follow Him.

Monday Musings

Most Mondays I have a bad case of the "I-don't-want-to's." You know -- "I don't want to get up," or "I don't want to start another week," or "I don't want to have to think about someone else's problems today." The I-don't-want-to's.

There's even a saying in ministry circles, "Don't resign on Monday." That's because the weekends can be exhausting, and the Monday-morning adrenaline is pretty depleted.

There was a time when I took Mondays for my sabbath days, but, as one friend opined, "I don't want to feel that bad on my day off!" Besides, once we began to add other staff members, I had to play "catch up" if I wasn't in the office on Mondays.

So, for me, Mondays are not about exuberance, but about obedience, about putting one step in front of the other. The "wins" don't usually come on Mondays, but, more often than I would like to admit, whether the week is a "win" or a "loss" is heavily influenced by how faithful and obedient I am on Monday.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

The best part about being married to a teacher of kindergartners is the stories I hear. Here is this week’s favorite:

Each night a dad brought home a briefcase filled with papers. His curious son asked him why he did that.

The dad replied, “Because I didn’t get all my work done at the office.”

The son logically said, “Maybe you need to have them put you in a slower group.”

Do you admire the innocence of this child? Someone who hasn’t yet learned that his value is dependent upon his productivity, someone who believes he is valuable regardless of which group he is in. I wonder how long his innocence will last. How long it will be before he learns that his worth in the eyes of others is tied to how smart or how fast or how powerful he is; that he only wins when others around him lose?

Our society submerges us in these kinds of messages every day. In a hundred different ways we are told that our productivity determines our value.

But the Good News--the “gospel”--of Jesus Christ sharply disagrees. Jesus cryptically said, “Many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first” (Matt. 19:30). He told his disciples that the way to greatness was through serving others because even he “did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:44-45). Talk about a “reversal of fortune”!

The Apostle Paul is a case study of this phenomenon. He began the third chapter of his letter to the Philippian Christians by citing his personal credentials -- his family, his schooling, and his morality. In our terms, he was “on his way up.” He was well-established in his life and his career.

But then something startling took place: “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ” (Phil. 3:7). In other words, on the balance sheet of his life, everything that he previously considered an asset, he now had moved into his “loss” column. Why? Because he had come to the conclusion that the pride he took in his background and achievements was preventing him from achieving the counter-cultural goal that was now his greatest desire.

“I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself” (Philippians 3:10, The Message).

It’s something to think about, anyway. Maybe being in the “fast group” isn’t the main thing. Maybe I need to learn to value myself because God values me. Maybe I need to learn how to trust in God’s love more than I trust in my own achievements.